2025/07/13: pet sounds
i wish i could explain exactly how pivotal this was hearing it with my 22 y/o ears earlier this year but im no good with words. there isn't a greater feeling than having something come in and out of your life for years and years with only a surface level appreciation and suddenly it all makes sense to you, like it was waiting for the right moment to click, and every intended emotion hits you like a deep wave on the rocks, and suddenly you know why

brian wilson dying absolutely gutted me earlier this month and its pushed this album along with the rest of the beach boys discography back into my rotation and man. i didnt fully understand the sentiment of i just wasnt meant for these times when i first heard it at 13. there is something so precious when a piece of art remains so universally relateable despite its age. like why are we all lowkey connected. i always found wouldn't it be nice and god only knows to be annoying as hell out of context in like commercials and memes and shit up until i sat down and gave a proper listen and now i can't deny how beautiful the longing and wishfulness is ... the intimate tension in don't talk and the unresolved bittersweetness of caroline no, fears of change and distance ... all intertwined with a lush mingling of instruments and harmonies ... i think there are certain things you can only fully appreciate when it's presented to you at a specific time and place. which is why i can't wait to be 40 and divorced

2025/05/23: does anyone know how to induce a reoccuring dream ...

2025/04/29: part of my dream log okay
what wouldve been the rest of the street's north end was replaced by an endless expanse of divided farmland, with perfect green grass and symmetrical copy-pasted lots all laid out in a grid. the sky turned black and a thick haze limited my vision to about 5 meters in front of me. despite this the ground and my surroundings were well lit as if it was sunny, shapeless red barns and silos with no doors and windows as if drawn by a child, surrounding me. a few moments of walking led me to a small gathering of free range horses with silky black coats and ultraviolet eyes. i stepped back apprehensively when they noticed me - feeling dread knowing my unease around horses even moreso wild ones. i think one of them sensed my fear as it began to chase me. i was doing a good job in outrunning it until i ran out of stamina. we stopped and i put a hand out to pet the horse's side. i felt its weight under my palm. its warmth spread all the way up my arm, and it was soft. the horse began to purr like a cat, and i knew then that i was safe all along ... honestly fuck that horse for faking me out like that tho it wasnt funny

2025/04/24: life has been promising but slow so ive nothing to add here other than im getting the ball rolling on this website once more. im not much for words so this section might take a bit to fill out
havent been making complete works lately since my ipad died and im forced into drawing traditionally as my main outlet, a return to form ... which explains the radio silence on the gallery front as its reserved for finished works. not too upset about it as i was weening off my ipad already, and this was the final push i needed ... considering having a page for both digital/traditional sketches eventually ... this is a short entry. baibai